Whod you bang
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
