hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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