Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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