just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you had me at cake vodka
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
