We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
