what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
