There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
