3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize