hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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