I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
