My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
