And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
