Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
