So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
