Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
