Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
