but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
