This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
