i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
