I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
