bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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