O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
