i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
