Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
