Can Purell be used as lube?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize