we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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