I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
