if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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