Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
