I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
