the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
