he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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