Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize