Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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