Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
