you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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