I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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