dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize