Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
