i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
