jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize