Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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