Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
