ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
