You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
