he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
