Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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