bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
