If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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