11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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