i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
