Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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