My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
