U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
