i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
