You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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