i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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