Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
