Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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