its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
how drunk are you?
Several
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
