Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
