I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
