Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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