It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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