Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need moral support for this bender
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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