you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
