I am spending my child support on dildos
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize