this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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