I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
