i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
