Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
