hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
