Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I want is dick and wine.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize