we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
