how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
