You really coming over, don't trick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
