I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
